T-3...

Okay, so today marks three days until transplant...I'm not sure how to feel. A part of me says it will be sort of anti-climactic, just a bag of blood cells being pushed through her IV tube just like any of the other blood transfusions she's had over the years. Another part of me says this is more than likely the most important day in her entire life, because it means she has a shot at having a life at all. They make a big deal out of it here, a sort of "Re-birthday" with a poster and presents just like when she celebrated her fourth birthday here just a few short months ago. The time has gone by in a blur, and I am amazed at how well she has sailed through all of it. I am not so sure I can say the same for myself. I am holding together by a quickly fraying thread, and while my days are spent being anything and everything my daughter needs, my nights are spent trying to decompress and worrying over all the things that could go wrong. I am scared. I feel helpless and often times alone, and there is nothing I can do about it. The fear is setting in, and I am not so good at keeping it at bay, especially when she is feeling terrible. All we can do is wait.