Monday, November 28, 2011

I know, I know...

Okay, so I realize that I've been kind of a slacker when it comes to this blog thing...I swore I was going to write the whole month of October, waxed intellectual about how much I love the holidays, blah, blah, blah....and then my world literally came crashing down on my head. No worries, the baby is fine, for the most part, and so am I. Sort of. I think.

Personal problems aside, I realized how lucky I am to have even a few people in my life that I can truly count on, because without them, I wouldn't have made it through this. Any of it. The holidays this year are not going to be what I thought they were, but they don't have to suck, either. I can create new traditions with my daughter, delight in her because, truly, she is my reason for living, anyway.

I know, I know, I'm being vague, but it would be in poor taste to explain myself in full detail on the internet, just know that it has taken me this long to say even this much, and that my return to this forum underneath my snazzy new banner (Thanks, April, you're the best!) is a huge step. Okay, it's a little step, but it's huge for me. I realized today that I need to focus more on the little things, the haves rather than the have nots of my life. Eschewing negativity is not a new pursuit for me, but truly being grateful is another matter entirely. My grandmother said something very profound to me tonight. She said something along the lines of, "Don't look to a rich man and compare what you have with what he has. It will only make you miserable. Look to someone who has less than you, and be grateful for what you have." Something like that, (she said it in Spanish) but I found that I should be doing this more often than I do. Yes, it has been a shitty couple of months. It's been a shitty couple of YEARS, if you want to split hairs. But aside from the obvious (I am alive, I breathe, my daughter breathes) I have so much to be grateful for, so many little things that I take for granted every day. Like too much food in the refrigerator, cuz my spoiled ass refuses to eat the same thing twice in one week. Like the fact that my daughter has not only every thing she needs, but most of what she wants (I do say no sometimes, although her room would suggest otherwise). Her complications with her illness, difficult as they are, are NOTHING compared to what some of these other kids go through, and their parents right along with them. Times are hard, and I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a warm safe place to sleep, and my daughter slumbers in peace tonight. Alive, and happy. More than that, I have a family who truly supports me, no matter what. It is enough. It is more than enough. My cup runneth over...

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